Her and her bf have been together for 7 years now. The worst quadrant is "sketchy + lose" the best is "win + clean". It took him a few days to apologise to me, but when he did, he came to me genuinely upset, crying and telling me how stupid he had been, I should have been his girlfriend all along, it had taken losing me to realise he was in love with me, all I wanted to hear. Come here and we can marry and have children. We were with another couple who we are very good friends with. She just seemed so volitile at the end. What advice do you have? The challenges you face in your marriage might leave you feeling like the union is over and that it's time to separate. Neglect comes in many forms. He is with no one now . I want him to talk to his boss. I told him of all the things he used to do that made me unhappy (though I was happy sometimes, just not for long periods) then ended with the discoveries I made..He was pis. I am not sure if I should actual give counseling a try or just let him go once and for all. I messed up the best thing in my life. Hi Dr. Deb. I came home from work and he told me how I made him feel ugly and unwanted. Meaning, is your bf more assured? Pray to God that your partner will submit his life to Christ. Work on yourself in that way. Started dating a girl 6 months ago and she from the beginning has been warm and very sweet and seemed very into me, and me very into her. She feels justified yelling at me or verbally belittling me every day, and I have to stay quiet and just take it and prove Im worthy of being treated with respect. It seems like he doesnt love me anymore and that hes just not trying to save this relationship. He texts me every day, telling me to have a wonderful day and that he loves me. After that, it actually takes work. My boyfriend said he fell out of love im 6 months pregnant , the problem was that i treated him really bad and he was the best man in the worlddd he did everything and anything he could for me i was hia princess. He got time off and came home to me a month after he cheated on me for the third time. I do want her back and will try to get her back once Im 100 percent. This is normal: teens are just starting life and they really havent enough life experience to be secure. Our relationship was great though, until that night. We are thousands of miles away from her I wasnt expecting him to do anything. Taking responsibility is a big first step. Apologize. Although it was very out of character for me I recently cheated on him with another man who makes me feel happy and wanted. You are attracted to and feeling repulsed by the person you just started seeing. We had ample food to share with others. I just know that was what I needed to see and it may be what others need as well. Now he wont forgive me. Let me begin my saga: Within 6 years of marriage we left our families & home country & moved south. I am a total fool. Not only that, but I dont think I could handle it with how much I care for him. I do love her still but I am tired of back and forth. Started out when he was about 23 he was in a very bad car accident broke his back in two places was in a come or for three months and he survived and today I or no one would even know how bad he was hurt. Eye contact, a hug or my simply wanting to be near her seems to frustrate her. You might attraction and repulsion towards someone. The fact that you chose the first husb. This was entirely my fault. Ive talked about this with him but he doesnt understand why Im doing this to myself. Please get therapy to give yourself the tools you need to get out of your bad place. But if you willingly allowed it, then you need to ask yourself: How did I let this happen? Be new, be interesting! Your boyfriends parents may have indulged him too much. I dont have a problem with platonic friendships of the opposite sex but after 10 weekends I told my husband how I feltI explained to him that he had stopped doing the little things and that I wanted to spend time with him. Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship we been together for a year and a month and sometimes i ask myself am i losing feelings for her bc during the summer one day i got this weird feeling in my chest and it wasnt a good feeling at all it made me question myself and my relationship bc i told my gf i think im losing feelings bc the feeling didnt seem to go away and i felt really bad cause i think i hurt her .i left to go on vacation and we decided to go on a break so i could think the feeling kinda went away but then again it didnt wen i got bac from vacation we started talkin again and sum weeks or months later the feeling started coming bac its like a weight that on my chest or my chest is geting tight i still dont know what it is till this day bc sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes and somtimes it never goes away What im trynna say is am i losing feelings for her? But he can also fall back IN love, too! I had already been through a couple of long and unsuccessful relationships which both failed because ultimately neither of those men treated me with respect and both of them ended up being abusive in the end of each relationshipand even through all of that I never cheated or disrespected them when I was in the relationship with them. Please can you advise how I should act. I cannot understand why I keep doing this. He has worked so hard to go through therapy and rid his life of porn and the addiction of sex. He firmly believed that I went to volunteer in a different country to find someone else and leave him. this is called true love . My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, married for the last 8. It wasnt until I found this website that I realised what had happened to my husband and me. I never regretted . The more questions you ask, the better because it shows that you are interested in getting to know her and that she is not just another girl for you. We began to get serious and the minute we didshe strikes and begins the whole suicide bit. A person in emotional turmoil is not who he really IS. But i am welling to work things out if we put the effort together. He has never lied to me and usually says what he means, but Im lost. I told him of all the things he used to do that made me unhappy (though I was happy sometimes, just not for long periods) then ended with the discoveries I made..He was pissed that I went as far as signing into his accounts. He than confessed to have very strong feelings for the band singer. Its very conflicting hating a person im still in love with and im sorry to anyone else experiencing something like this. You are very unusual in that you get it. Can you give me a few words of advise? Ive been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months. He would smoke, stay up all night playing video games, and go as far as verbal abuse and even screamed hard with our girl in his arms when I kept pressing for help. We broke up for 1yr and then something lead us back to each other. They had not slept together but they have been seeing each other and flirting through text messages. she just makes me super happy and i cant stop spending time with her or being with her. He is angry with me will not talk to me. From that day forward I changed everything in the way that I support her financially and emotionally. Our four conversations have been long and we laugh and joke like we used to, but I know the relationship has forever changed and she has stitched her heart back together while mine is still raw. Samara, of COURSE he fell out of love. Good luck! My son is now almost 18. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Isnt there somewhere that HE can go now? There are many reasons why this can happen, especially if the love came before the abuse. If I raise the subject of why his emotional affair happened, he attempts to validate their relationship using words like Just friends or Its only happened with this woman or He didnt know how to stop calling her. It got so bad I just stopped going to his moms. And i really do miss him so much always forever. About six months of this go by I eventually had to end things with her. She wanted to interview for it and asked me to take off 3 days from work so she could drive up to do so. I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . He didnt show it at the time but was discreetly trying to tell me that I needed to chill out. 5. Im the type of person that I dont really like to open up but with him being my best friend and fiance I always thought I could. Thanks for your time in advance & I know that if this goes further we will need therapy TOGETHER. I was always confused when he said I had betrayed him. she broke up with me 6 weeks ago and it really made me realise how much of a douche i was and how much i love her. That I had some huge disappointments to get through (school fails, dream fails, health fails) and 6 months ago I was kissing him and was distracted. Hi Ruqyah So I know shes laughing at me like yea trick I got your husband,he chose me and dumped you. But I am focusing on you because you are the one that asked. He was stunned, so was I honestly. She said i was not there for her and I would push her away and that is why she cheated on me and have gave up on us. Do any of you think that there might still be a chance? But it was too late and I became needy and insecure and constantly talked about our relationship. Watch the full episode on Rumble or listen to the podcast on SpotifyIt is the one-year anniversary of the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the decision by the U.S. and its NATO allies to treat the war as its . The act of letting go is simply the act of moving forward without the person you loved. So i ignored her text until 2 days later and replied No. He moved four months before us, I was scared to move and told him I wasnt sure if I wanted to move or to be with him. Hi CCO I know that we each individually have to work on ourselves and make progress but the way she is dealing with things right now I wonder if there is a future for us. I just dont have it in me to cheat on him though because I cant bring myself to cause him that pain. Ive thought about getting therapy for just myself due to depression. but the truth is i was in contact with him . What does that mean? I just recently started counseling earlier this week to help achieve this. She askes how I can make everything uo and what will I do to have her forgive me. This other lady is not an issue as she and I are friends and she js currently with her husband in another country. My ex girlfriend and I just recently broke up because currently we cannot afford to live with each other and we are now states apart from each other. The next day he ignored me as if I did something wrong and didnt speak to me until that night I asked him again has he done anything with anyone he again said no he never touched anyone the next day I went looking through our phone rcords and I saw a call I called back the number on my phone and I introduced myself to them as his fianc and they said I was lying because they were just with him last night. You just graduated HS. Then I found messages from him and his ex off Facebook, I could only see what she wrote and she said your happy with jess and Im working things out with my baby daddy. Your ex bf is angry with u, because now he has upset you and mom. I tried to tell him how hurt I was but he felt if he showed me he loved me then I shouldnt worry about his crazy ex. The more we try to deny them, the more they try to muscle their way in. Me and my ex were dating for about 5years and 3 months. Im not really feeling like. Now he doesnt speak to me and says its my fault because I put him in the box for few hours. Someone looking at our life from the outside would think we have it all; a beautiful family, two successful careers, a nice home and great friends. I think we go back to the sexy part: Be INDEPENDENT, not dependent, emotionally, when you talk to him. In my state of distrust for men I put up many walls, and my friend has broke them down one by one with his patience and willingness to just listen and not become defensive. I am 25 years old I was with my boyfriend for quite sometime we lived together. Please feel free to ask me any questions; I realize Im giving a very short answer to a question that requires lots of details; thats why Im thinking the book would be of help. I dont think you can expect yourself to be able to be lighthearted about all of it when sex is with someone you love, much as you intended it at first. This is exactly how I feel. I decided to lock away my feelings for this time period, crying or feeling sorry for myself wouldnt help my marriage. I want to save the relationship. I dont want to push him further away by doing the wrong thing. I told him to maybe give it a year before we actually start dating again though I will be here for him to talk to but I suggested him to write me letters instead of calling me. Keep smiling even when it hurts. Im not quite sure if its simply because he just decided he no longer cared one day or because he has problems other than our relationship that are managing to affect it in a negative matter. I wanted to live up to my potential because I had always failed in school and my self-esteem was really low. They had small heart break, but I was not for them. for me talking a little really dint matter . If your boyfriend sees you as self-reliant and stable then it could restore his trust. He recently started to try again but my love is not there. Since then we gave gone strength to strength, our love life is better than it ever was and we barely argue at all. Is this a bad habit he picked up from going with the wrong friends? You did not take good care of YOU all that time messing w a married man. Wrong time, crossed wires and past issues. Then with him working out of town with little time to talk its even more difficult. He makes it seem like hes too busy for me now. But it is all out in the open now. She told me to delete every thing i have of hers and not to write to her any more. He is the first person I have ever been in love with. We kept arguing every day that I was away. I feel for you. I actually did live a simple life but made some made choices. Unfortunately, she had complications with the pregnancy and the child was lost. On the Saturdays I worked hed be calling her; accidently meeting up for a milkshake or coffee. How can I tear diwn the wall that has been built around her that bears my name? Its only been four days since the end of my relationship of 9yrs. Hes a hard worker but unfortunately when stress comes into play he does not handle it very well and turns to heroin. Ive have recently become aware of how abusive I have been to my gf. I asked him what that was all about & he complained that Peter had made him feel like an idiot & incapable of being the good mechanic he is. I dont like that. She wont start counseling for another 3 weeks because she is too busy at her new job. Is it even saveable? please reply ASAP? I keep telling her that it takes time and maybe the feelings of support will lead to more feelings, at least I hope so. but basically done nothing to try and correct the problem. Tonight he broke up with me. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. It drives me crazy that I cannot prove absolutely everything to him that Im faithful only to him. She was the most amazing person to me. A this moment I am staying at my friends place for about month as my ex had said that she wants to be friends and have a break. This I learned mid July. It doesnt stay inside. Thank you so much. But you do need that communication; it is not an unreasonable request at all. And now heroin. He was really into me and we said we would marry then he had to leave the country. I took the next half hour trying to explain why I had issue with formal tucked in clothing, I opened up about how I didnt as attractive tucked in due to my waste line recently being larger due to water retention due to some medications I was on. They took him to the police station to sober up and calmed down. The thought of the pain I have caused him is unbearable and I also feel that I cannot live without him. Then a month later his grandfather died and he was really close with him. have been married for 9 years we have done allot to each other emotionally I would tell him to go because so he would not listen to me it put a lot of stress from both of us I would go out and he would go out he would come home drinking without you he would just ignore me thought he didnt love me you have kids together and I want to find the way he told me that he a lot of love with me now and the 8 months I want to find a way to maker of work or marriage work I still have feelings for him and I only actually found this out after we were separated how much I really do love him and miss him that I need him in my life and I want him in my childrens life the friends that we have sometimes it seems like they wanted us against each other I dont know if its just me thinking that or maybe they really were. I didnt want to move away and be alone while dealing with issues in our relationship. He is a black hole of effort and emotion that will always need filling. It's quite natural to have mixed feelings and hate them one second and then lovingly miss them the next. Now, the time has come for you to learn how to take away your loneliness. You can look up a bit of it on my personal blog at drdeb.com in the abuse section. I think things have become so routine, expected and mundane that sexual interest on my end pretty much stopped. It just goes to show she never really cared like she said she did. He just treated me like crap with little remorse, but I dismissed it because I was still head over heals in love with him. i want to keep the house, he doesnt, its so unfair. He became verbally abusive and it then reached to a physical point towards the end. You need to find yourself academically, vocationally, spiritually, emotionally. You put sex or career over love. However, I knew he was a very flirty person, had a lot of female friends but it was never more than friendship. He told me he loved me, but not how little or that he was making himself ill trying to feel as he did at the start. You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio . Aquariums and museums, in general, offer a perfect backdrop for both romance and history, with many exhibits in these places having ancient artifacts like pottery and even tools that people used during their early periods. He has said these things before but admitted he didnt mean them. Also the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy (aamft.org) has information. We kept fighting because he didnt spend enough time with me, sometimes he preferred to be alone than to come to my friends birthday parties or because he insisted on wearing a hat that looked so bad. I am very impressed with your self-awareness, namely, realizing that you would blow up for minor reasons and that your frantic attempts to hold the relationship together came across as needy. Shes working on herself now and Im doing the same. That is not healthy. Im watching to see by this weekend if he doesnt delete it, then we dont stand a chance. He is waiting on an answer but it is killing him inside I know. I have been in a fully committed relationship for 2 years. We fell in love very quickly, but five months in I got drunk and treated him badly. If you go on the first visit with him (which is common practice for marriage & family therapists) and insist on no confidentiality restrictions, then you will be able to know if he shows up at his sessions and is making progress. I was scared and acted in fear by shouting at him and hitting him on his back repeatedly saying that being his wife didnt give him the right to treat me like that. Generally, people dont change in their deepest core too readily. He is angry with me will not talk to me. After that drug thing I am so confused and I really dont know what I do. My feelings arent there at all. I asked if he knew she was here? Should I continue to work on our relationship and eventually she will come back or should I move on? I dont feel the same drift he does, so it is very confusing. Loving each other and really enjoying each other. I have self pity, am depressed, am disappointed in myself for being such a horrible person for not loving this amazing man anymore. I kiiled what we had, and it was amazing. I feel hurt, angry, resentful, disgusted, sad, depressed. 15 First Date Ideas that Can Spark a Love Connection We live together but told me ee r roomates and friends he said he only loves me cuz of the kids. Do you think theres still a chance for us? 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